“I think the hardest part of motherhood is adjusting to their independence and not only their need for [it] but your need for them to be independent,” Smith offers, grinning. “That’s a really hard one because it’s giving up control. Sometimes you have to let them go and make mistakes.”
R-E-S-P-E-C-T!
This is a relatively new revelation for a mother who previously kept her
kids on a tight leash. “We were pretty strict,” she confesses. “I believe in
giving your children a wide path, but with very firm boundaries so there’s
room for them to make their own decisions and formulate their own ideas
while having the security of knowing [how far to go].”
Perhaps even more important to Smith is instilling in her children a sense of veneration for adults. That way, when it comes to relinquish the reins, she’ll be able to trust them to handle it. Smith describes her philosophy like this: “I’m still your parent, and you have to respect that, and you have to respect me and trust the facts that I know what I’m doing, and I’m doing my job of protecting you,” she explains, adding, “It’s cultivating respect out of healthy fear.”
Letting Go
Last year, Mom endured the ultimate test: She sent daughter Courtney to
Spain – alone! Mind you, the young woman didn’t go without some words of
wisdom. “When they come to you for advice, you try not to lecture but
[rather] walk them through things,” Smith offers. “I got to watch her be an
incredibly responsible, intelligent person…be able to maneuver in a foreign
country while speaking a different language, and take care of herself!”
Of course, both Smith kids have been practicing independent living for some time while tending to their studies. “They’re away at school, and we go watch them play [sports] games,” Mom relates, “We just love being with them, we love being their friends, and we love their great friends.”
Enjoying The Journey
Having traveled with their family often in earlier years, the Smiths still
like to get away whenever possible. Only now, it’s not as important to try
new destinations as it is to enjoy quality time together. “The one thing
that my husband and I have always been about is the journey itself. It’s
like, ‘We’d like to go here, but let’s do it this way because the process is
fun and we’ll enjoy it.’ If everyone has a good time, then it makes it worth
it,” the actress offers.
When sending her daughter back to college after a recent break, Smith was happy that they used their time together to forge new memories. And while their bond now reflects that of a mother and an adult daughter, the relationship formed years ago still shines through.
“When the kids were little, they would always run our and pick the first daffodils that bloomed and bring them to me. I put them in a jar and saved them through Easter,” Smith recalls, smiling.
In an ironic twist, when Courtney went to leave, she remembered the gesture and stopped mid-driveway. “She got out of the car, picked the first daffodil that had come up, then ran back and gave it to me. And well, of course, we both burst into tears!”
FYI
Birthday:
May 25.
Born: Boston, MA.
Previously Known As: Long before she became one of Llanview’s most
beloved heroines, Smith played one half of ‘80’s supercouple Margo and Tom
Hughes on AS THE WORLD TURNS.
Keeping Strong: Currently, Smith can be seen in a commercial for Caltrate calcium supplements. “I truly believe in Caltrate. When you’re over 40, you’ve got to start thinking about bringing health into your diet. So I learned a lot.”
On Nora’s Ruined Marriage: “All I know is that she should swear off men,” Smith chuckles. “She hasn’t had a great track record with them!”
On The Almost-Empty Nest: With her children nearly grown, Smith and her husband enjoy having them home. “I love seeing the people that they’ve turned into and the joy that I have with them. What’s almost even more rewarding for my husband and I is how much they love coming home to us. And they bring their friends – everyone comes to our house.”
On Enjoying The Moment: “For my family, it’s always been about getting in as much as we can, because I traveled a lot when [my kids] were little. So it was always about what we’re doing right now and not thinking, ‘Okay, Mom’s gonna leave,’ and how long she’ll be gone,” says Smith. “It made things fluid.”
On Her TV Son: “I’m very affectionate with Eddie [Alderson, Matthew]. I’m always grabbing him and putting him in my lap. He lets me love on him,” enthuses Smith. “He’s a special kid, and he has a terrific real mother, whom I adore.”
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OLTL NEWS
- Win VIP tickets to see
Kassie DePaiva (Blair) open for Kenny Rogers in New Haven, CT on July 15th.
For all the details,
follow this link:
http://wtnh.com/Global/story.asp?S=5090240&nav=menu29_12
- Join your favorites from One
Life to Live at the Annual Fan Club Luncheon, which takes place on August
19th in NYC.
Visit:
http://www.amcoltlfanclubs.com/oltlpages.htm for
all the information.
I have so much to address in this month’s column that I need to jump right to the heart of things. Most of you know about the H.E.R. (Hillary, Erika, Robin) Initiative. This fan-based effort is a joint initiative whereby fans of Hillary, Erika Slezak and Robin Strasser have unified to work towards a common cause. While I posted details about the initiative on HBS’s boards, I want to further clarify some things for you. The idea for H.E.R. was inspired after engaging in dialogue with fans from each of the three fanbases over the course of several months. Our mission is to raise awareness of the plight of these three OLTL vets, who collectively have been minimized on the canvas. The concept is to join forces and work towards raising public awareness through an intense writing campaign that addresses ABC, the media and program sponsors. Each fan base possesses a separate rep, with me serving as the point person for all HBS fans, to ensure that each base receives an equal voice in this joint venture. My belief is that through uniting, we empower ourselves greatly by tapping into the support and resources of one another’s fan bases. The key is to present a united front through uniformity in our correspondence.
Each fan base possesses its own allegiances and priorities, and I will ensure that each base retains its individuality in this initiative. We are joining forces and working towards the same goal, while still maintaining our separate identities. Here is how I am approaching the network with this initiative. Hillary, Erika & Robin are the lifeblood of OLTL. Collectively, their characters have provided more story for citizens of Llanview, greater positive publicity for this network, and more lasting memories for OLTL viewers than any other characters in the show’s history. All three characters are vital to securing the longevity of OLTL, as each possesses binding ties to three legacy families: the Buchanans, Lords and Cramers. Descendants of Nora, Viki and Dorian are the future of OLTL. These three women connect every major character on the canvas and serve as intersections for vital family relationships that perpetuate Llanview’s future. It is imperative for all those involved in the H.E.R. initiative to support all three women in their correspondence. For instance, while Robin’s fans have specific goals they are addressing with the network, they are heavily supporting Hillary and Erika as well. The purpose of this effort is to send a huge message with a large-scale, fan-based, well-organized effort.
Since I literally organized this effort within a matter of days, and with the steadfast help of many of you, I am still fine-tuning the campaign. Let me update you on what we have accomplished thus far, simply by joining forces with the ES and RS fan bases. As of this writing, the H.E.R. initiative is posted on 14 fan boards. We have implemented three letterhead banners and two postcard templates for use in correspondence. Approximately 200 flyers were e-mailed to registered SOC (SoapCentral) OLTL board members, announcing the campaign and providing fan base contact info. Dozens of interested fans have contacted me independently from numerous online forums, and are jumping on board this campaign faster than I can provide them with information. Reps from each fan base generated letters to ABC, notifying them of the collaboration, with letters to the magazines in progress. Simultaneously, ES & RS fans were given access to the program sponsor list, and they are initiating an intense writing campaign to compliment ours. I am currently drafting a formal mission statement for all H.E.R. participants, because it is essential that we run a clean campaign that not only shields the actors, but one that approaches our cause with integrity and grace. All of this has been accomplished in a matter of one week. While I regret not conceptualizing and implementing the initiative sooner, this campaign has hit the ground running and hasn’t stopped since.
Many of you know that I run my own consulting business and develop criminal justice programs for at-risk youth and adults. One of my job requirements is to create programs that may be modified and adapted as variables change. The way in which I approach each program is by viewing it as a living, breathing entity. This is how I have approached every project within our campaign for HBS. Here is my promise to all of you: If Hillary chooses to leave OLTL at the end of this year for greener pastures, every initiative I am involved in will follow. This column will continue, Nora’s Blog will move forward, the H.E.R. initiative will blossom and our relationships will thrive. Names, faces and ideals may change, but by viewing each project as fluid and animated, things can be refined and retooled as necessary. In fact, we are truly making history with the H.E.R. initiative. Not only is this the first joint fan base collaboration I’ve seen, but it may someday support three dynamic women working on multiple networks/projects, depending upon Hillary’s status with the show. We have everything to gain and nothing to lose by supporting HBS from every possible angle. I want you to know that I am committed to each of you and that I strongly believe in all we have achieved, and will continue to give everything I have to this incredible woman who puts the “H” in H.E.R.
HILLARY SMITH (NORA BUCHANAN, ONE LIFE TO LIVE) loves being helpful. Heck, one time she even tried to help a journalist desperate for a teaspoon of dirt. 'This happened a long time ago, somewhere during the 6 ½ years I was on As the World Turns (playing Margo). A writer from TV Guide was looking for an angle for an article on me." Smith's strong eyebrows rise; her full, shapely mouth does a one-sided smile. "You know? He needed a 'hook.' He'd talked to people when I wasn't around, he'd talked to everyone and couldn't find anything. Finally, he says to me, 'I can't come up with anything!' So I said to him, 'If you're looking for a handle for your article, well... I'm perfect.'"
She delivers the line without laughing, her face frozen in a comic look of exaggerated innocence. It's her good friend and dressing-room mate Susan Haskell (Marty) who cracks up. A perfect person? This maniac? "Yeah, right," Haskell teases, playing the moment with extravagant disrespect.
Professionally, Smith does not have a perfect track record: To date, it's merely exceptional. Most actors among the 10 percent earning a living at their craft don't earn it in theater plus television plus feature films. Smith has hit all three, starting with an off-Broadway play while still studying at the high-IQ Sarah Lawrence College. Theater jobs in both off-Broad- way and Broadway productions continued after graduation, and keep on coming. During the last four years, Smith has performed on Broadway in the Pulitzer Prize-winner The Heidi Chronicles and the off-Broadway success Lips Together, Teeth Apart, to cite a pair of high points.
Most of Smith's paychecks, as daytime-watchers well know, have been issued by television. In 1982, the Massachusetts native started a year of tube time on The Doctors, as nurse Kit McCormick. Not long after that, she replaced Margaret Colin as Margo on ATWT; “Any cast with Justin Deas in it is a great cast," Smith states about her first Tom Hughes.
Oakdale lost Smith in 1989. Several nighttime pilots popped up in the next few years, but Smith was eventually lured back to daytime in 1992 by Nora Gannon, a role unusually ripe for humor and free of stereotype. Viewers connected with Nora immediately, too, as did Smith's peers and the television press. On their dressing-room wall, Haskell and Smith have hung a happy and humorous photo of themselves with their respective mates on the night both women won 1994 Daytime Emmy Awards. “Ah, yes, the distinguished group," Smith drawls, signaling the visitor to come take a closer look. Haskell, Smith and Haskell's longtime companion, Dr. Tom Caffrey, all stand in roughly the same height range; Phillip "Nip" Smith, at 6 feet 7 inches, appears in the photograph primarily as a bow tie, an expanse of white shirt and a cummerbund. His handsome face hovers up near the picture's frame. "We rented a limo, and asked Susan and Tom to join us. We literally wanted to see Nip and Tom get out of the same limo -- that's what Susan and I had in mind, anyway." Over by the closet, getting ready for another scene, Haskell begins laughing again: "We always say that if Nip weren't in the picture, you'd get to see Hillary's full gown and mine, too."
Husband Nip, 10-year-old daughter Courtney and son Phips, 8, didn’t see as much of Mom as usual last year. During the ‘94-95 primetime season, Smith commuted between L.A. and New York to play Gene Wilder’s wife in the film star’s sitcom Something Wilder. Even the critics who savaged the show praised Smith’s performances. She came away a deep understanding of the phrase “frequent flyer miles,” plus two cherished new friends in Wilder and his wife, Karen. Her post-game analysis of her double-life experience is sharp. “As I’ve said for the record before, I did not take Wilder as a way to leave daytime for prime time. I feel very strongly about this. Daytime is a very important medium: I vote for any soap opera that can hold its head up and keep doing better. And actors should never have a problem moving back and forth between day and evening shows. If you’re a good soap actor, you’re going to be a a phenomenal prime-time actor.”
Acting talent wasn’t Something Wilder’s problem. “At first, on Wilder, the cast was trying to work without a clear concept for the show; we didn’t get writers who had that clear concept until after Christmas. Had we done that last batch of Wilder shows at the beginning of the season, we’d probably still be on the air. But I’m grateful for all of it, for every single episode I shot.”
Smith’s gratitude should be taken seriously; it’s the way she moves through her life. “ I think the greatest gift I was given was the ability to make the choice, the choice to find happiness. And that ability comes from always understanding that absolutely everything happens for a reason, and everything happens for the best. And if you live like that–truly –then you’ll look for the positive in every situation that comes along. “This means that with every situation – personal conflict, financial problems, whatever– it means there’s an acceptance. Not surrender; not passivity. There’s an acceptance of a situation, then a chance to go through and look at options. Yes, this definitely applies to relationships. And relationships, to me, are the most precious thing in the world.”
They are also at ground zero in her most enduring struggle: “This is a problem nowadays, I’m actually learning a lot about. It’s that I’ve been the peacemaker and the compromiser since growing up; I took on that role in my family. I've always chosen to play it out by becoming the negotiator: I'll put myself between two people, physically and emotionally, if they're battling. I'll absorb the negative energy from each one, and help calm them, help them to compromise.
"I see now that what I've been doing actually has been a disservice to all three parties -- the two angry people, and myself, too. Because I've been putting myself in a place where I've been taking on their woes, which isn't good for me. Plus, I haven't been allowing them to work out their differences or whatever for themselves. This summer, I tried in this one particular circumstance to stay out of it. It was really difficult, because it was between two people I love so much. But they ended up finding a wonderful honesty with each other, on their own."
And when there's been hurt or anger between Smith herself and another person, she's still tried to play diplomat. "For the sake of maintaining peace and happiness, I haven't listened to myself inside or to the other person. Listening is the key thing. Instead, I'd censor myself, absorb the other person's pain, absorb my own frustration, suppress it, and then it starts to build and build.., anyway, all this peacemaking has been at the cost of everyone's emotional growth and health and autonomy. Including mine."
It's far easier for Smith to see her progress when the problem comes up with her kids. "If I start feeling anger with them, I realize it's usually because I'm tired, and I've got a short fuse. So I tell them that. And I tell them how I'm going to start seeming irrational and angry pretty soon here, but I'm not mad at them, so let's all just take Mommy to bed. Last weekend I did that. What I was also trying to do was get Courtney to take a nap, too, because she was also exhausted. We both fell asleep in each other's arms for a little while, which was wonderful." Holding on to the image of that moment, Smith's expression is worth 2,000 words, at least. And that's exactly the kind of visual power necessary for feature-film success -- which has eluded Smith to date. If her career dream comes true, this "imperfection'' will be corrected. "I was in the movie version of Hair in '79, and in '84 I did Purple Hearts, a Vietnam drama, with Cheryl Ladd. I got to have a wonderful time with Sandra Bullock making a comedy in 1992, Love Potion #9 ~ I've seen her since in LA., and she's as earthy and terrific as all those articles say she is. So if I can have my dream, with money no object? I would love to produce my own films I already have one story I want to do, but I need to work with a writer’s mind, somebody who puts pen to paper. Because no one will hire me in films: You know it's like 'We've got Bonnie Bedelia, we’ve got Anne Archer, we’ve got this-and -that person.'" Smith appears mildly annoyed. 'Anyway, producing my own films would give me work, and also the chance to cast. Not according to public opinion, but according to people I truly believe in. Man, I would love to give those actors the work."
One casting decision is already made. "Scott Bryce (ex-Craig Montgomery, ATWT) is a very dear friend; he played my brother all those years on World Turns, and I was his roommate in LA. when I was shooting Something Wilder. He came on for Wilder's last episode to play my old boyfriend, Chip." The urge to laugh is already creeping up on Smith. "So we had to do a kissing scene. We bumped foreheads; we bumped noses; we smashed chins. It got to the point where I said to him, 'Look. You turn your head that way, I'll turn my head this way.' There was absolutely nothing natural about the two of us going for a kiss. It was just too funny, and we kept laughing and laughing. Finally, Gene Wilder said, 'You guys are pathetic!' And we were." So Hillary Smith, movie mogul, will never cast Scott Bryce as her love interest: She's not perfect, but she's not pathetic, either. "I'm very dignified!" Smith states, with delicious, happy goofiness underlining her command. "I have a lot of dignity, and I don't expect you to ever, ever, get over it."
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